New Mom....Raw and Uncensored!

When I was near the end of my pregnancy I couldn't wait to have this little man out so I could feel normal again. I thought my life would go right back to normal.... I don't think I have ever been so wrong about anything in my life! It was the hardest time of my life those first 8 to 10 weeks. I love my little man to death but I have never felt so not normal in my life. I'm not talking specifically about baby blues or post partum depression, however; my hormones were so out of wack I couldn't control my emotions one bit. I could go from smiling to crying in seconds. Just holding my baby would make me ball. The expression of loving something so much was never comprehendable to me until Chase was put in my arms. I used to think my Mom and Dad were crazy for worrying about me all the time. I need to slap my younger self because I bet I am 20 times worse. I play the "what if" game in my head on an every hour basis. Like... What if he gets hurt? Or what if something happens to me or Heith? What if he stops breathing in the middle of the night while I'm asleep? Get a grip, right? Apparently all these worries go with being a new mom. (And guys just don't get it!) I never understood why people just wanted to stay home with their kids on a Friday or Saturday night. Like, just call a babysitter already and come out to play! When I was pregnant, I thought I'd jump right back into my social life. I didn't think having a baby would change anything.... Ha. First of all, after working 30hours a week, I am literally dying to spend time with my sweet boy. The thought of leaving him again on my off time kills me. Second, it still scares the hell out of me to leave him with anyone except our parents or someone that has not had a kid. You might call it over protective, I call it peace of mind for right now. Third, when we do make it out, all I'm really thinking about is "I wonder if little man is okay. I wonder what he's doing..." Going out with friends seems to have lost its luster for right now, which I'm sure makes me totally uncool & a huge loser, but whatevs. I'm 31, married, & have a newborn baby. Right now, to be honest, staying in is just a bit easier. Do I miss going out Yes, from time to time. However, right now I feel most happy just being home. I also thought I knew a little something about babies before I had one. Ha. I feel like I owe anyone(my sister) I ever gave parenting advice to before I had little man a HUGE apology. Let's be honest, is there ANYTHING more upsetting than when people (who do not have children yet) start giving you parenting advice? Or questioning your techniques? Seriously, while I know some are trying to help, as harsh as it sounds, unless you've gone through it, its hard to put a lot of stock into your words of wisdom. I sometimes wish I could go back & kind of prepare myself for all of the wrong assumptions I was making. Then again, we all know I wouldn't have listened :) While I'm still adjusting to my new normal & feel out of my comfort zone a lot of the time, this guy's smile makes every day worth it. He is my reality now and I love it.